Dear Sean,

Is this a blessing from you (disguised?) ?
I really hope that with this, I will be able to enter into your world, and try and understand what was wrong.


M

people cry

people cry for many different reasons, some cry for more than one.

i might have

an early onset of Alzheimer . or some other form of dementia

i want a cat who can talk to me

then maybe i wont feel so lonely

please let me hold a party, where i'll cook for my friends
special porridge and a mixed veggie pasta salad
followed by an hour of facial and massage
then we'll all lie down on the ground,
outside my house in the garden
where mr.sun will shine on our faces with bright smiles
and we'll talk and laugh at just about anything
because we are all friends basking under the sun

i'm sorry i couldn't do it by today. i tried, but i can't

i know how to make myself feel cold. extremely cold

i shudder

because i know everybody will slowly disappear around me




I remember how i used to wake up and tell my reflection in the mirror , " smile ,because today will be a good day "

I remember how i used to walk to school alone , and before reaching the gates , i'd tell myself , " smile, because everything will be okay "

Well, it seems that all these don't work anymore.



i miss the times when i was ignorant to everything around me. ( i couldnt even tell sarcasm)
everything was just about me, i couldnt even remember the others, except for their face and the names put to theoe faces.

I used to be so happy and free. But gone are the days now.

I've started to become more conscious about the people around me , their behaviour, actions , so much that sometimes they affect me more than it should.
I let them affect me.


I hate that we are separated by barriers - the walls and the racks. What happened to the days when we were young?




today i felt so alone.

today Jerald Niko passed on.

i dont know what went wrong

but i just want it all to be okay